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This is the author's first novel.
Please be informed that it is intended only to entertain.
It is not suitable for children,
or for persons with strong religious convictions.
Does anyone remember when exactly...
...they first became aware of the world?
The first image
they consciously remember?
I'm sure that very few do
But believe it or not...
I'm one of them
This was my first image
My name is Jan Dara
I was born in the centre of Bangkok
I was given my first name...
...by the man I called "Father"
I gave myself my family name
It was the name of my late mother
Believe it or not, when I was born...
...just after the midwife pulled me from the womb...
...my mother's life came to a sudden end
From that moment on...
my supposed father began to hate me
Jan-rai! (Damned bastard!)
Khun Luang, Khun Luang
Works for the government
Earns 20 baht but lives like a rich man
Khun Luang, Khun Luang
Works for the government
Earns 20 baht but lives like a rich man
Go away! Jan-rai! (Damned bastard!)
Unfilial!
Why were you born?
Your birth killed your mother!
A real bastard!
Mother...
'Khun Luang'
This is Khun Luang, my 'father'
After Mother died, he displayed a great sadness
He announced he would never remarry
He ordered the household to observe mourning for five years
He resigned from his job, and lived on his pension
Grief prevented him from working
Why are you crying, wretch?
Shut up!
Stop! That's enough!
Waad, keep out of this!
Buapan, bring some clean water
Don't worry,
dear, it'll heal in a day or two
This was different from the time...
...he threw a cup and scarred me
This time I saw blood
Mother!
This was many times more shocking and painful
Stop crying
I finally understood...
Where the hell is everybody?
...How much he hated me
Lock him in the Green House!
I didn't expect to be punished
for causing my mother's death
But this was my punishment
I was to be a boy without a father too
You asked for it!
You'll be with your mother soon enough!
Mother
Mother, I sorry I made you die!
I'm more sorry than anyone in the world.
Jan!
'Aunt Waad'
After my mother died...
...Aunt Waad came from Pijit to Bangkok to look after me
She was like a real mother to me
The only person little me could rely on...
...for everything
Jan!
Be strong!
Don't be naughty or you'll get fever again
Where is my mother?
Aunt Waad, I miss my mother
Poor Jan,
you must try to belong in this house
I miss...
I want to smell mother's breast
I've never known mother's breast
Lie down, dear
Don't go, Aunt Waad
Let me lie down with mother's breast
Here, Jan, here is mother's breast
Mother...
I still don't know what it was...
...that made me exploit Aunt Waad's kindness so shamelessly
Go to sleep, my good boy
Anyhow, Aunt Waad was always kind to me
Always called me her "good boy"
Even on that day that
gave me my first memory
told you about it, remember?
Please, Khun Luang, he's watching us
So what?
He shouldn't wake in the middle of the night!
Jan, dear, close your eyes
'My sister, Kaew'
Jan!
Come and see your sister
lsn't she lovely?
See? lsn't she lovely?
Khun Waad wants to tell you
She has given birth
Fine, now leave us alone!
Love her a lot, Jan
Let me see...
Damned Jan, this is none of your business!
Get out of here!
Another esteemed person arrived in the household
As soon as she could learn...
...her father taught her to despise me
Everyone else in the house called me "Khun Jan"
To her, I was "Damned Jan"
Khun Kaew, watch your step!
Mother, are you ready yet?
Just a moment, darling
A little closer, Ma'am
Stay still...
Smile...
One, two, three...
Saisoi, take Khun Kaew back
Jan, come here downstairs
Don't take a picture with him!
He isn't your son or Father's son!
Why take a picture with him?
Jan, come and be photographed with me
Smile, Jan
Ready?
One, two, three...
So this is me
Jan Visanan
To Khun Luang, always "Jan-rai"(Damned bastard)
Actually, I didn't mind him calling me that
He should have made it worse:
"Son of a bastard!"
Then I'd have liked it more
Maybe he isn't my father anyway!
If I am a bastard
Where's my real father?
Don't waste your time trying to guess
The story is rather sordid
I'll tell you later
"Vilairek Visanan"
Father and daughter were a perfect match
Khun Luang spent less time being angry with me
So that he could spend more time
teaching her how to be just like him
Happily, fate brought other new faces...
...into my life around that time
I had many of my formative experiences in those years
Khun Jan works so hard
Can I help you?
I'm moving in
Master's orders
'Khen and Saisoi'
Khen and Saisoi were made for each other
Khen was the son of a cook
Saisoi was brought in by Khun Luang as Kaew's nanny
If she wasn't taking care of Kaew...
...or doing something for Khun Luang
She always disappeared into Khen's room
What are you doing out there? Come on!
Khen was like a best friend to me
He was two or three years older
We were very different, but got along fine
Khen introduced me to sex as a field sport
Being only 17
I had no experience of my own
Khun Jan...is so young!
Please, do him a favour
Khen, that's enough!
Khun Jan!
Khun Jan! It's all set.
Don't be nervous
Everyone's nervous the first time
I'll leave you
Khen...
...Khen!
Saisoi, if you don't want to...
Don't hold back, Khun Jan
After that first time...
I had no trouble flying solo
Khun Luang made...
...the house reek of sex
And so it wasn't hard for me to follow suit
"lNTRODUCTlON TO SEX"
Expecting someone?
My star performer Waen... she's always up for it
Let yourself go! This room is our harem!
Let's have a look over there!
I want to tear this down
Let me think about it...
Is there Anything else?
Some of the materials can be reuse
But most of them have been worn out...
I want to tear this down as well
According to this floor plan...
Aunt Waad, what's happening at the Green House?
They're tearing it down
Mother...
Can you catch up with the work?
If not, you can find me.
No problem. It's still OK right now. Thank you.
You are welcome.
Are there any bananas for the children?
I want some pictures from that shop.
There are many coffee in the bottle.
There is some rice...
This is my Hyacinth
I met her at Teacher Sali's evening school
Before class every evening...
I tried my best to get to know her
What are you doing here?
Sorry.
Excuse me...
May I walk with you?
Let me help you !
You'd better go, it's late
You're still alone here this late?
Pa doesn't get back until 1 1
"Pa"?
My father
That gives us enough time!
Don't rush to bed
I'll come back to keep you company
I loved Hyacinth... I loved Hyacinth...
I told myself so every night
Of course, I didn't know what love was
But I felt sure that this was it
At the time I had no idea what comprised love
But my instincts were probably right
Khen, the young master's here
Khen, shall we go?
Later...let's go later...
Khen, let's go!
He looks nice in that shirt
Just for tonight, Khen
I've been very patient
But you still won't share this girl with me
You want that she's old and shriveled...
...before I get near her?
What the hell...
We'll talk about this later
What?
Khen, listen...
Why can't we have one girl we think well of ?
Like the way I think well of my mother?
Thinking about a girl is like thinking of your mother?
I give up!
Khun Kaew!
Khen, don't hang around here
Or I'll have my father throw you and your mother out!
I was just giving him a scare
Let's play, Saisoi
'Khun Boonlueang'
Turn around and let me see
Once the Green House was pulled down...
...Khun Luang soon put up a new building
It was for another of my 'mothers'...
Khun Boonlueang
What's so interesting, Khun Jan?
Nothing
Help me catch it!
You should go now
Then Pa will trust us more
You're back, Jan...
Have you eaten?
Yes, I have
What's wrong?
What's wrong, Jan?
Aunt, do you know that lady in the new house?
Yes, it's Khun Boonlueang
Khun Boonlueang
She was with your father...
...before he married your mother
Bastard!
Wait, Jan... Your father had very good reason...
...to marry your mother
I know that, Aunt Waad
The more I learn, the more I hate him
I just hate him, don't worry about it
Wait, Jan...what do you know?
Who told you?
I found out myself that Khun Luang cannot be my father
That's enough for me
What if you found out you were wrong?
If Khun Luang were my real father,
I'd rather burn in hell
Goodness, nephew Jan is doing the honours today!
Where the hell is Waen?
How dare you come here today?
Never mind, Khun Luang
It's good that he comes here once in a while
We should get to know each other
Jan is like a son - a child to me
What do you think?
Thank you
Where the hell have you been, Waen?
You're getting worse!
I was helping Poom in the kitchen
Serve us!
Yes, sir
Now that Waen's here. You can get out, Jan
Visit me again, Jan
May I have your permission, Khun Luang?
I can help you to discipline him
Khun B, just treat him as one of the servants
He's not worth more than that
Hear that? Now you have another aunt
You don't need to keep our distance
Thank you, aunt
I wish I could come every day
Good, my nephew
From that moment...
I was no longer a member of Khen's harem
If I wasn't with Hyacinth
I'd rush to Khun Boonlueang's house
Help yourself, Jan
If there's anything you don't understand, ask me
Thank you so much
Khun Kaew!
Containing.
And I'll wait two or three years
This word...
Voyage.
Voyage
When I had undertaken from...
Khun Kaew!
Khun Kaew! Don't go!
Khun Kaew!
Khen!
Calm down! What's wrong?
Watch out, Khen!
What was all that about?
I haven't a bloody clue
Really? I don't believe it
You've done something disgusting, haven't you?
I wouldn't dare!
Khun Kaew!
Sorry
Hyacinth...
No, nothing...
Sweet dreams
"President Hoover receives their Majesties in White House."
Hyacinth...
Khun B...
What did you call me?
Is there any problem with my ears?!
My dear, your father calls me "Khun B"
It seems I must stop thinking of you as a child...
Stop staring at me
Wait outside
The lady should be able to wash herself in private
You can't resist peeping?
Silly boy, what good will that do you?
I didn't know you were in the bathroom!
I thought you'd gone upstairs with your book and dozed off
I'm terribly sorry...
...l really am. All I wanted was to wash myself
I don't think you're sorry at all
I think you're actually quite happy
That's no need to explain!
Since you have now seen all of me...
...l can ask you a favor
Wash yourself first
And make sure your hands are clean
Then come upstairs
Wash your feet too
Can I trust you to help me, Jan?
Take a piece of ice...
...and run it along my back
It's so hot!
I've ordered a bathtub, but they still haven't delivered it
I'd love to soak in cool water
That's enough for today, Jan...
Thank you
Please give this to Khun Waad for me
With my best regard
Khun Jan!
Big trouble!
Saisoi is pregnant!
I've always treated you well
But since you don't treat yourself so well...
...l have to let you go
Khun Kaew...
Let's go home, Saisoi
Let's go
We don't have to stay in this house any longer
You should learn to take pictures If you have the chance
Yes
Always remember that you need plenty of light
Jan, give me a moment, then come to me
It's so hot today...
May l...?
What?
Your face is burning hot!
You know what? I'll tell you a secret
I was planning to leave your father
He...l...
You're a big help to me
You're a grown man now
I need to depend on you
Have you been waiting long?
I thought you weren't coming
I said I would
Have you been smoking?
Can you smell it?
It's quite strong
I'm sorry
Why? Be yourself!
You know that better than I do
Are you leaving?
What's the rush?
I'll see you tomorrow
"Dear Hyacinth, l..."
Open this door!
Help! Whoever's there, help!
Khen!
Khun Jan! Let me explain!
Khun Kaew wanted me
She told me to tie up her hands like that
She said she'd accuse me...
...of something bad if I didn't do it
That's enough, I understand
I think she's got you this time, Khen
Never mind, as long as you believe me
Mother !
Jan brought me here...
...and tried to molest me!
Mother !
Keep away from me, you bastard!
Khen tried to help me and you hit him!
Oh...Khen!
Ma, stay out of this!
Are you hurt?
I give up
Are you hurt?
Ma'am! Ma'am!
You damned ungrateful bastard!
Don't believe everything she says
You don't need to remind me that
I know her too well Kaew is my daughter
But who made her like this? You did!
You have spoiled our girl, Khun Luang
She's barely human!
Mother, how dare you say that!
Kaew!
Don't, Waad, the child is in shock
She doesn't mean it
Let me take the blame
Khun Luang can whip me as much as he wants
No chance
Give me your hands. Swear that you won't tell
Jan, the Master wants you in
You've sworn the Main House
You should side with your daughter
Not with that damned boy!
You know, there's something I've been meaning to say to you
I think the moment has come
You don't satisfy me... You know what I mean?
How can you say that, Khun Luang?
I came to this house for my dear cousin's sake
Jan is more than my nephew. He means more to me than my own child
That girl is hardly even my daughter
Just a wicked child you stuffed into my belly
I pushed her out for you, that's all
Waad, have you lost your senses?
Do I have to remind you...
I am the master of this house!
It may once have belonged to your cousin.
Father, there he is!
Khun Luang, don't touch him!
What is your excuse?
How could you do this to my daughter! You damned bastard!
If Poom's son hadn't stepped in
What would have happened?
Jan-rai
You damn son-of-a-thief!
You're tainted by your origins!
This is the limit!
I have no strength to go on with this charade!
He has brought this on himself!
He's lucky I don't have him arrested!
This is the end! No more!
Where do you think he can go?
The boy has no-one else to turn to
Boy?
He's old to stir my jealousy when...
...l see you embracing him!
Where do you think he can go?
Who cares? Dogs survive on the streets
Or he can go back to live with the criminals he came from
Khun Luang
Jan, tell me
Is there any truth in what Kaew says?
Whatever you think
Still up to the same tricks!
I want nothing more to do with you
Listen, from now on you have...
...no further connection with this house!
You may no longer use my surname 'Visanan'
Call yourself whatever you like! Be 'Jan Bastard' for all I care!
Wait! I have never wanted your surname
'Jan Bastard' will suit me fine
But this was my mother's house and I'm her son!
So why can't I stay here?
I'm sorry...
You can't stay because I won't...
...give house-room to scum like you!
Because I'm kicking you out of my house!
You understand? It's my house!
You don't understand, do you?
To understand, you need to know
How you came to be born...
You son-of-a-thief!
Don't go on, Khun Luang, I'll tell him myself
Good! You tell him
and put him back in his place
And make sure he leaves this house!
Let's go
Father
Not yet!
I haven't punished you yet!
You can't get off scott-free!
Bastard!
Have you forgotten?
We have nothing to do with each other any more!
Jan-rai!
Don't!
Khun Luang! Don't !
Go, dear, go...
Get the hell out of my house
Or I'll shoot you like a stray dog!
Go, dear, go...
Ma'am!
Ma'am, l...
Jan!
Go to Pijit...
...and stay with your grandfather for a while
Stay there until this has all died down
Tell me, Aunt Waad: who's my father?
Jan...
It's time you knew
I'm sorry
We kept the truth from you all this time
It isn't so easy to explain...
It's a horrible story
Your mother was only 18
She came to visit us in Pijit
Everyone was entranced by her beauty
Who'd have guessed it would cause such a tragedy?
I had a boyfriend at that time
I kept him a secret
Because he was poor and a bit of a roughneck
His name was Jom
He seized your mother, with two of his friends
It took the police almost a month...
...to track them down...
I'm sure you can guess the rest
Yes, it's exactly what you're thinking
When my mother came home to Bangkok
She found she was pregnant
To avoid scandal
Grandfather had to find someone to marry her
That is, someone to be my 'father'
And he came up with this Khun Luang
While I was away in Pijit
I found out more about my real father
But believe it or not, just a few years later
I was called back to Bangkok
Aunt Waad needed her "good boy"...
...to help solve a serious problem
We'll hold the wedding on Sunday
Nothing grand
We won't bother with the religious ceremonies
No need to bring in any monks
They'll live in a bedroom in Khun B's house
We'll transfer the deeds to the house the same day
Some officials will come to supervise the paperwork
Great! Everything's settled!
Now, let's go to shop for the wedding
Please excuse me...
I'd like to talk with Khun Luang a little longer
You know what I'm going to ask...
What do you want?
You're staring at me as if...
...you've never seen me before!
You've changed!
I was just admiring you
Don't try to be nice to me
And don't even think of having marital relations with me
Oh, you're a wicked one!
And you think you can judge others?
You've shamed your parents.
Why did you do it?
Nothing else with two-legs available for you?
Don't worry
For the sake of your mother and the baby
I'll keep your secret
But don't imagine I'm doing this because I like you
Or because I want you as a real wife
Damn you!
Jan! When did you get back?
Hyacinth fell ill while I was away
It was typhoid, and it killed her
She died in her own bedroom
Apparently her Pa moved out soon afterwards
No one could say where he'd gone
The happiness I'd been looking forward to
Instead I faced the bleakest possible future
Khun B invites you to her house for dinner tonight
You said you wanted to talk to me before the wedding
Yes, about many things
Sit down
Many things...
The first thing is...
Does anyone else know about this?
Does Khun Boonlueang?
Know about what?
Who got you pregnant!
I know, but does she know?
Does she know or not?
Don't just shake your head! Does Khun B know?
Khun B doesn't know
Then keep it absolutely secret
No-one must know, especially not Aunt Waad or Khun B
If I ever find that it has leaked out...
...I'll kill you with my bare hands, I promise
Bastard Jan! How dare you!
I'll soon be your husband So this is the last time I'll say this
Never talk to me like that again!
If you do, I will hurt you so badly
You will never forget the pain
And if the disgusting truth ever comes out...
and embarrasses your kind mother...
...l will kill you
You hear me?
Good evening
This house is now in the name of Mr Jan Dara
That's not necessary
We no longer owe each other anything
In this incarnation, Khun Luang and l...
...will always be enemies
I think I'll be fighting him until the end of time
Where's my mother?
Who took my mother away?
Aunt Waad, where's my mother?
Your mother hasn't gone
Khun Luang just moved her into the library
Give me back my mother!
What the hell are you doing in here?
Are you looking for that?
Here!
Give me back my mother!
Khun Jan, another drink?
Jan. I'd been looking for you.
Is this your mother?
What's wrong, Jan?
Are you alright?
Don't sit there!
Khun Luang always used that chair for sex
Finally, I'm no better than Khun Luang!
Right in front of my own mother!
More evil than him!
What are you doing?
What?
Don't
I locked it because...
I don't want anyone barging in here
Don't worry
Just for tonight
Chom, let me see the baby
Everything is fine
This home-brew is like medicine!
Young man, are you two in love?
You need to ask that?
Your answer tell me everything I need to know
I should tell you something...
Breathe deeply! Push!
Again!
A little bit more!
Alright, I can see the head
"Appree" ("cursed")
She mouthed the word "appree"
She obviously meant it
Then she lost consciousness
That's not so odd
Maybe she was imagining things
Did Aunt Waad hear her?
No, she was holding the baby
Khun Kaew didn't say the word aloud
As the owner of the house
I registered the baby as "Pree Dara"
I took the name from the word... that Kaew mouthed after giving birth
From "appree": "Pree Dara"
Why the hell is it crying?
There were changes
after Pree was born
Khun Luang moved into Khun Boonlueang's house
I thought I'd be...the last child you'd have to raise
Now there's a new baby
That's what worries me, Jan
If anything should happen to me...
...you'd be the only one to care for him
His mother doesn't want to know
But I'm so tired of this life
I want to go back to Pijit to change my life
You're strong and dependable
Next, Khun Boonlueang asked me...
...to move into the Main House
I'm surprised that Khun Luang owns...
...a book as good as this!
Really.
This is the only one he has about sex
Did you know that Khun Luang has become impotent?
Since when?
Since the trouble with Khun Kaew
The Pacific War broke out some three years after that
Aunt Waad went back to Pijit...
and became a nun, as she wanted to
She chose this time to leave because...
...the household seemed quiet and settled
Poom!
Nian, where is Khun Boonlueang? And Khun Kaew?
I didn't see them!
Khun Kaew! Khun Boonlueang!
I want to talk to you about that night
Please don't be angry with Khun B
It was all my fault
When did it start?
When you left for Pijit
I had no-one, and neither did she
She told me she planned to leave father
And go back home
I knew very well why she wanted to leave
I knew very well
Why are you telling me this?
I want you to get back together with Khun Boonlueang
Get back together?
Yes, like before
You can sleep with her any time you want
All I ask is that we share her sometimes
Alright
But I want something in return
What?
A baby
I want a child...
...a child of my own
The girl I loved is dead
Khun Boonlueang can't have a baby
The only possible mother is you
Not a chance, damned Jan!
You've brought this on yourself!
Anyhow, we're married. We should have a baby!
Khun Jan...Khun Jan!
It's Khun Kaew...
She is in trouble.
After that, I never forced myself on Khun Kaew again
Oddly enough, I found that I'd become impotent too
I can't make love to any woman
Not even Khun Boonlueang, the one who taught me all I know
Khun Kaew turned the house into her own small empire
As for Khun Luang...
The only sign of life...
...he showed was breathing
There's still one story I haven't finished telling you
Maybe you remember? It's the one about my real father
My grandfather told me the whole ugly truth about it
Told Aunt Waad about it
Then pretended to forget...
...so that I wouldn't have... to tell you good people
It's worse than you imagine
Anyhow, since you're so kind. I'll tell you
If you ever catch sight of a man on the street...
You might bump into him
Or find him sitting next to you at a movie...
A decent-looking middle-aged man...
Quite well-dressed, not badly off...
But somehow forlorn and hopeless...
Please be kind enough to feel some compassion for him
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